Guys,
Many people said that election is dirty and politicians are also dirty so don't put your foot into it. I reserve my comments on this coz I'm not a politician and I do not belong to any political party. But I would like to observe their ways giving speeches, persuading voters to vote for them and their style of hitting one another (perhaps I should say twist turning the facts or attack - counter attack). Aren't they practicing Tai Chi?
While I don't know who is right and who is wrong, however, I really learn something from their presentation styles and their speech teraphy. So, in order for me to improve my presentation skills and to be a better training & development professional, this is the time!
So guys, if you see me attending any lectures or speech by either the government or the opposition, its not that I support them... I am learning by stealing from them. For those of you who are in the process of looking for a job and preparing to go for an interview, this is the time to learn to be brave, to talk without being shy and to be proud that you can speak!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Back on Feet
It has been the worst year for me. Promises had been made for my future. Bright, lots of opportunities, big salary, stability, blah blah blah... My job had been redundant and I was retrenched. To the head hunter who introduced me, thank you for getting me this job. To those who hired me, thank you for painting a good picture for me.
However, what goes around comes around. I've been doing good all this while and so when news broke out that I am jobless, many people had called me and lending a helping hand to recommend me to a job. Even head hunters been calling me, saying someone had referred my name to them.
To all those who tried to help me, thank you very much. I will update you guys when I got a job. I'm very optimistic about it...
However, what goes around comes around. I've been doing good all this while and so when news broke out that I am jobless, many people had called me and lending a helping hand to recommend me to a job. Even head hunters been calling me, saying someone had referred my name to them.
To all those who tried to help me, thank you very much. I will update you guys when I got a job. I'm very optimistic about it...
Monday, February 11, 2008
What is CNY to me (this year)?
Is CNY a happy ocassion?
Not anymore for me starting this year. Those days, we would be busy with household chores, preparation and 'arguing' on almost anything. My mum would be busy packing ang pow and headache with what to cook...
Its now gone. Ever since my mum passed away last July, things have been changing. Everyone lived apart from each other and seldom meet.
This year CNY seemed very quite. Cannot celebrate in repect of my late mother. Some brothers didn't even want to return home... did I mention home? Where is our 'home'? So quite, so dis-united, so lonely...
Finally its proven. My mum is the pillar of strength and unity in our family! Without my mum, unity is almost gone coz brothers dun get together anymore. Strength also gone coz everyone is struggling for end meets.
MUM GIVES THE GREATEST SACRIFICE TO HER FAMILY!
Not anymore for me starting this year. Those days, we would be busy with household chores, preparation and 'arguing' on almost anything. My mum would be busy packing ang pow and headache with what to cook...
Its now gone. Ever since my mum passed away last July, things have been changing. Everyone lived apart from each other and seldom meet.
This year CNY seemed very quite. Cannot celebrate in repect of my late mother. Some brothers didn't even want to return home... did I mention home? Where is our 'home'? So quite, so dis-united, so lonely...
Finally its proven. My mum is the pillar of strength and unity in our family! Without my mum, unity is almost gone coz brothers dun get together anymore. Strength also gone coz everyone is struggling for end meets.
MUM GIVES THE GREATEST SACRIFICE TO HER FAMILY!
Monday, January 28, 2008
Job Advertisement Translator
What they say vs What they really mean
A highly visible position means We can't afford any office partitions, let alone offices
Flexible Hours Work 40 hours means Plus whatever your supervisor asks you to.
Duties will vary refers to Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Must have an eye for detail refers to We have no quality control to speak of
No phone calls please is actually We've filled the job. This ad is just a legal formality
Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience is actually You'll need it to replace three people who just left
Seeking candidates who require little or no supervision is telling you that You're on your own here; sink or swim.
Problem-solving skills a must is telling you that This is a company in perpetual chaos and turmoil.
Requires team-leadership skills tells you about You'll have the manager's responsibilities, without the pay
Good communication skills tells you about Management communicate, you listen, figure out what they want.
Ability to handle a heavy workload is a hint that Whine or complain and you're fired!
A highly visible position means We can't afford any office partitions, let alone offices
Flexible Hours Work 40 hours means Plus whatever your supervisor asks you to.
Duties will vary refers to Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Must have an eye for detail refers to We have no quality control to speak of
No phone calls please is actually We've filled the job. This ad is just a legal formality
Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience is actually You'll need it to replace three people who just left
Seeking candidates who require little or no supervision is telling you that You're on your own here; sink or swim.
Problem-solving skills a must is telling you that This is a company in perpetual chaos and turmoil.
Requires team-leadership skills tells you about You'll have the manager's responsibilities, without the pay
Good communication skills tells you about Management communicate, you listen, figure out what they want.
Ability to handle a heavy workload is a hint that Whine or complain and you're fired!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Difference Between India and United States
While visiting India , George Bush was invited to a tea reception with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate. " Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !" "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam. He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr.President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington , decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem. "Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Manmohan Singh!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington , decides he'd better put Condoleeza Rice to the test. Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem. "Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Manmohan Singh!"
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Car Broken into at Endah Parade Parking
Today must have been one of my most memorable day in my entire life (better than hitting lotery for the year 2008) as my car had been 'luckily' broken into.
I parked my car at Endah Parade B1 parking from 08:45 hrs. By 12:50 hrs when I came down to retrieve my car from the Training Center, I was told or 'congratulated' for being the first victim in 2008.
Almost everyday I came to this place early in the morning to gym before clocking to work. Today got training so thought of gym after work... now can't gym already. The funny part is, thief only took my gym bag. The content of the bag is as follows:
I parked my car at Endah Parade B1 parking from 08:45 hrs. By 12:50 hrs when I came down to retrieve my car from the Training Center, I was told or 'congratulated' for being the first victim in 2008.
Almost everyday I came to this place early in the morning to gym before clocking to work. Today got training so thought of gym after work... now can't gym already. The funny part is, thief only took my gym bag. The content of the bag is as follows:
- Speedo bag - just bought about a month only!
- Nike Shoe - Special edition from Japan... a gift from a special friend some 2 years ago but just wore it recently!
- Gym glove - my last year christmas gift!
- A set of gym clothes - so old n rotten still want to steal?
- A set of normal clothes for after shower - quite old but I love these set so much!
- 2 gym towels
- Shoe bag by TekMark
- Hair wax
- Moisturizer
- After shower body spray
- A set of toiletry complete with tooth brush, tooth paste, shaver, tongue cleaner and cotton buds
- 600ml water bottle with water
- A comb
- A lock
- A pair of socks
- A pair of old gym glove
Damn, now I have to spend money to do the glass again and to purchase all the above... Sigh, can't gym today! Tomorrow I will sure release my stress at the gym!!!
To the person or persons who did this; sorry, I got nothing valuable to you in my car!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Chinese read from Right to Left
A man went on business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?'
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'. Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on. He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refuse to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'. Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on. He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refuse to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'
Trip to Bali
Recently I went on a Trip to Bali in Indonesia. Not a good trip to me this time (been there several times) because I have sore throat and so I have to talk very less (so called being 'cool') and can't simply eat whatever I wanted to.
This time however, I learnt of something interesting (could be scary to some of us). As we all knows, Balinese are mostly Hinduism, which means deceased need to be cremated. For some extreme poor Balinese, due to financial problem they would first bury their loved ones for a maximum of up to 6 months before they have to dig it up again for proper cremation.
I have seen their temporary graveyard. Since it is not a permanent one (not supposed to have graveyard for Hunduism), it is actually a public place with trees everywhere. The family would temporary bury their loved ones there and built fencing using cut bamboo sticks. The size is just not larger than the actual size of the deceased (not even the size of a single bed)! I have also seen some dug-up holes, purpotedly meant the deceased had been exhumed for a proper cremation.
Temporary Graveyard behind my bungalow in Bali
Dug-up graveyard some 6 months later (maybe less than 6 months)
Now the scary part is that the temporary graveyard is along the way to part of Kuta Beach in the city center. Some people who wanted to use a shortcut to the beach will have to pass by the graveyard. And the most scariest part is that there is a temporary graveyard at the back of the bungalow where I stayed... and it faced directly at my balcony!!! For the first night of my arrival, I let my balcony door opened ajar because I felt very warm inside. On the second and third night, after me and my room-mate made the discovery, we locked the balcony door. While I still can sleep well (nothing to worry), my room-mate was otherwise...
This time however, I learnt of something interesting (could be scary to some of us). As we all knows, Balinese are mostly Hinduism, which means deceased need to be cremated. For some extreme poor Balinese, due to financial problem they would first bury their loved ones for a maximum of up to 6 months before they have to dig it up again for proper cremation.
I have seen their temporary graveyard. Since it is not a permanent one (not supposed to have graveyard for Hunduism), it is actually a public place with trees everywhere. The family would temporary bury their loved ones there and built fencing using cut bamboo sticks. The size is just not larger than the actual size of the deceased (not even the size of a single bed)! I have also seen some dug-up holes, purpotedly meant the deceased had been exhumed for a proper cremation.
Temporary Graveyard behind my bungalow in Bali
Dug-up graveyard some 6 months later (maybe less than 6 months)
Now the scary part is that the temporary graveyard is along the way to part of Kuta Beach in the city center. Some people who wanted to use a shortcut to the beach will have to pass by the graveyard. And the most scariest part is that there is a temporary graveyard at the back of the bungalow where I stayed... and it faced directly at my balcony!!! For the first night of my arrival, I let my balcony door opened ajar because I felt very warm inside. On the second and third night, after me and my room-mate made the discovery, we locked the balcony door. While I still can sleep well (nothing to worry), my room-mate was otherwise...
Monday, January 7, 2008
If I can Catch U I Can Have U
A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do. He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well, without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't). A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company does business. For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds.
Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might be like this time. As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well, without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't). A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company does business. For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds.
Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might be like this time. As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to the next four days... For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Hu, Who...Kofi, Coffee... Yes Sir, Yassir
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (The phone rang and Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (The phone rang and Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Get Haircut by Guys Only
Today I went for a haircut at QQ Cut at Endah Parade, Seri Petaling. It was a pathetic cut! Supposed I pay RM13 for a 13min cut. This is my 4th visit there. In the previous 3 visit, my hair was cut by guys there and they were professional as well as patient to satisfy customers. Today's visit was however the worst. A lady cut my hair. Her skills were terrible. My hair was cut uneven. When she asked if the cut was okay, I immediately pointed out the unevenness. She tried to recorrect it but making it worst. I point it out again and she became uncomfortable with my feedback. She looked at the time, just did some cutting and clean up and that's it! What a BITCH! Now my hair is totally out of shape!!! Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, December 28, 2007
BEST "Out of Office" Auto Email Reply
Some inspiration for your next out-of-office message...
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and trysending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system.You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by yourPC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.When I return, please refer to me as 'Andrea' instead of 'Android'.
Happy choosing!
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and trysending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system.You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by yourPC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.When I return, please refer to me as 'Andrea' instead of 'Android'.
Happy choosing!
Never argue with a woman
One morning a husband returned to his lake cabin after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decided to take the boat out. She motored out a short distance, anchored, and read her book, enjoying the peace and quiet.
Along came a game warden in his boat. He pulled up alongside the woman and said, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replied, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," said the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," said the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Along came a game warden in his boat. He pulled up alongside the woman and said, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replied, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her.
"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," said the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," said the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
ChimPeng
One day, while I was looking for an empty space to park my car at Bangsar, a man suddenly came by and knock on my window.
Man: "Encik ah...Tanya sikit ah...itu Chimpeng mana ah..?" ("Mr.... ask a bit ok... where is that Chinpeng...?")
Me : "Hah?"
Man: "Chimpeng, Chimpeng...saya sudah tanya itu guard ah.. dia chakap sini ada satu Chimpeng...." (Chimpeng, Chimpeng... I already asked the guard... he said there is one Chimpeng here...")
Me : "Sorrylah Apek. Saya tak tau woh...Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?" ("Sorry man. I don't know... What is that Chimpeng?")
Man: "Aiyah...itu Chimpeng balu punya..Saya mau pigi angkat wang la..." (Oh gosh... that Chimpeng is new... I wanna go take money...")
Me : "'Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa?Along ka?" ("I don't know boss. Is that a stall or what? Illegal money lender?")
Man: "Chimpeng bukan kedai ma..lu itu pun tak tau ah..? itu Chimpeng macam itu Maypeng, Public Peng, RHetB Peng...itu balu punya Peng.." ("Chimpeng is not a stall. You don't know ah? That Chimpeng is like Maypeng, Public Peng, RHB Peng... its a new Peng...")
Adoi...bengap punya apek..buat aku pening je..dia actually cari CIMB Bank! (Oh my god... what a fool... making my head spin... he is actually looking for CIMB Bank!)
Man: "Encik ah...Tanya sikit ah...itu Chimpeng mana ah..?" ("Mr.... ask a bit ok... where is that Chinpeng...?")
Me : "Hah?"
Man: "Chimpeng, Chimpeng...saya sudah tanya itu guard ah.. dia chakap sini ada satu Chimpeng...." (Chimpeng, Chimpeng... I already asked the guard... he said there is one Chimpeng here...")
Me : "Sorrylah Apek. Saya tak tau woh...Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?" ("Sorry man. I don't know... What is that Chimpeng?")
Man: "Aiyah...itu Chimpeng balu punya..Saya mau pigi angkat wang la..." (Oh gosh... that Chimpeng is new... I wanna go take money...")
Me : "'Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa?Along ka?" ("I don't know boss. Is that a stall or what? Illegal money lender?")
Man: "Chimpeng bukan kedai ma..lu itu pun tak tau ah..? itu Chimpeng macam itu Maypeng, Public Peng, RHetB Peng...itu balu punya Peng.." ("Chimpeng is not a stall. You don't know ah? That Chimpeng is like Maypeng, Public Peng, RHB Peng... its a new Peng...")
Adoi...bengap punya apek..buat aku pening je..dia actually cari CIMB Bank! (Oh my god... what a fool... making my head spin... he is actually looking for CIMB Bank!)
Sunday, December 23, 2007
All Same Same :)
Once, there was a Chinese man who walked into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushed over to him, and asked for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gave him a slap and said; "You Chinese people bombed our PearlHarbor, get out of here!" The astonished Chinese man replied; "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and said; "You sank the Titanic. My forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replied "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replied; "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same!"
Instead, Spielberg gave him a slap and said; "You Chinese people bombed our PearlHarbor, get out of here!" The astonished Chinese man replied; "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and said; "You sank the Titanic. My forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replied "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replied; "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same!"
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Old Lady Not Stupid
There was once an old lady who went to a shop in the US to purchase dog food for her pet dog. When she went over to the counter to pay for the dog food, the cashier refuse to transact, unless the old lady could show proof she did own a dog. (In US, old people usually buys dog/cat foods for themselves, not their pet!). The old lady went off angrily and came back with her dog. The cashier had no choice but to allow such transaction.
The next day, the old lady came back again, trying to buy cat food. Again, the cashier advised her to bring the cat as proof before purchasing anything from her store. The old lady did brought in a cat and successfully transacted the sales.
A week later, the same lady approach the cashier again, this time carrying a bucket. She came near the cashier and asked the cashier to put her hand inside the bucket, assuring that there is no poisonous snakes nor anything that could harm her. Hearing this, the cashier reluctantly put her left hand into the bucket. When she pull her hands out, she let out a scream!
Her hand was covered full in shit!
The old lady said: Child, now that I have brought in my proof, can I buy some toilet rolls please...
The next day, the old lady came back again, trying to buy cat food. Again, the cashier advised her to bring the cat as proof before purchasing anything from her store. The old lady did brought in a cat and successfully transacted the sales.
A week later, the same lady approach the cashier again, this time carrying a bucket. She came near the cashier and asked the cashier to put her hand inside the bucket, assuring that there is no poisonous snakes nor anything that could harm her. Hearing this, the cashier reluctantly put her left hand into the bucket. When she pull her hands out, she let out a scream!
Her hand was covered full in shit!
The old lady said: Child, now that I have brought in my proof, can I buy some toilet rolls please...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Tektronix Asia Symposium 2007
Almost a year I've been employed in TekMark and this is the first time I'm involved directly in a symposium. I've always been positive that whatever we do, as long as we have fate in ourself as well as of our colleagues or friends, we can do it. ITS PROVEN!!!
Prior to the symposium in Penang, we were told that we need to be at Equatorial Hotel at 2300hrs on Sunday to do the set-up. Terrible!!! While some colleagues suggested that we may need at least 3 hours to prepare, others just felt we may not even have the time to sleep. The result...most of us completed within an hour! Everything went on smoothly with the exception that the hotel's audio/video side slowed us down. Instead of going back to our office condo to rest, most of us stayed back just to accompany each other. WHAT A CLOSE TEAM BOND WE HAVE! Finally, we made it back to the condo by 0200hrs in the morning.
Hardly 4 hours of rest, we were again on the rush to the hotel by 0700hrs. Everything was powered up and went on smoothly. Except on a small hiccups on power supply from the hotel, everything went on smoothly and we helped each other to put on the best possible smile throughout the symposium.
TekMarkers, GREAT JOB WELL DONE! Although some of you just couldn't make it to the thank you dinner (too tired and worn off), we will remember your generous sacrifice and we will take note on the spirit of teamwork as well as the "can do" shown throughout the entire symposium.
TEKMARKERS, HURRAY!!!
***Photos will be uploaded later.
Prior to the symposium in Penang, we were told that we need to be at Equatorial Hotel at 2300hrs on Sunday to do the set-up. Terrible!!! While some colleagues suggested that we may need at least 3 hours to prepare, others just felt we may not even have the time to sleep. The result...most of us completed within an hour! Everything went on smoothly with the exception that the hotel's audio/video side slowed us down. Instead of going back to our office condo to rest, most of us stayed back just to accompany each other. WHAT A CLOSE TEAM BOND WE HAVE! Finally, we made it back to the condo by 0200hrs in the morning.
Hardly 4 hours of rest, we were again on the rush to the hotel by 0700hrs. Everything was powered up and went on smoothly. Except on a small hiccups on power supply from the hotel, everything went on smoothly and we helped each other to put on the best possible smile throughout the symposium.
TekMarkers, GREAT JOB WELL DONE! Although some of you just couldn't make it to the thank you dinner (too tired and worn off), we will remember your generous sacrifice and we will take note on the spirit of teamwork as well as the "can do" shown throughout the entire symposium.
TEKMARKERS, HURRAY!!!
***Photos will be uploaded later.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Coaching: Preaching vs Practising - Teamwork II
Guys, thank you for attempting the Teamwork assessment published last week. I believe you have added up all the scores you've circled. There should be a maximum of 75 points if you scored high on every questions.
The followings are the score comment for your perusal.
46-75
You're a solid team member working well as part of an effective team. Lower scores in this range show that there is room for improvement, though.Read the following summaries of key teamwork functions and determine which of the tools will help you become a better team player and build a stronger team.
31-45
Your effectiveness as a team player and your team's effectiveness are patchy. You're good at some things, but there's room for improvement elsewhere. Focus on the serious issues below, and you'll most likely find that you and your team are soon achieving more.
15-30
This is worrying. The good news is that you've got a great opportunity to improve your effectiveness as a team member, and the effectiveness of your team. Start below!
The followings are the score comment for your perusal.
46-75
You're a solid team member working well as part of an effective team. Lower scores in this range show that there is room for improvement, though.Read the following summaries of key teamwork functions and determine which of the tools will help you become a better team player and build a stronger team.
31-45
Your effectiveness as a team player and your team's effectiveness are patchy. You're good at some things, but there's room for improvement elsewhere. Focus on the serious issues below, and you'll most likely find that you and your team are soon achieving more.
15-30
This is worrying. The good news is that you've got a great opportunity to improve your effectiveness as a team member, and the effectiveness of your team. Start below!
Score Interpretation:
Team Development (Questions 1, 8)
Teams do not become effective overnight. Team building is a process that requires due attention and care. If you try to skip over important development stages, you risk not forming the solid foundation needed when trouble or setbacks occur. To build, lead, or participate in a team requires an understanding of the stages of team development. Through extensive research, it has been found that successful teams have certain aspects of their development paths in common. The one that most people are aware of is Tuckman’s Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing model. Two other factors that significantly increase a team’s chances of being effective are having a well thought out team orientation process, and developing a clear team charter. Both of these help you establish clear guidelines and set clear expectations. When the individuals on a team all know what they are supposed to be doing and how they are to go about doing it, you give the team a good start on maximizing performance.
Feedback (Questions 2, 14)
One of the best ways of improving people's performance is by providing information to team members about their individual performance, as well as the overall team performance. After all, how do you know what is working and what isn’t if no one gives you an objective summary? There are usually plenty of people around who are ready and willing to give you their opinions on this. Unfortunately, this information is often conveyed in a manner that causes resentment and animosity. For feedback to be positive and growth-inspiring, it has to be delivered properly, with enough attention being paid to how the receiver is going to perceive and process it.
Participation and Articulating Vision (Questions 3, 6, 7)
Articulating the team’s vision is fundamental to developing a high performing team. It’s the vision that motivates and directs a team to reach its goal. The best teams invest a great deal of time and energy into exploring and understanding the overall purpose and vision of the team. From this vision, a set of goals and objectives emerges that helps the team stay focused and on track. The key to using vision successfully is making the process of discovering it a participative one. You can tell a team what the vision is and team members may or may not agree that the cause is worth working hard for. If, however, you allow the team to explore the vision, to see how their specific roles fit into the big picture, and provide meaningful opportunities for team members to assist in the team’s success, then you have the basis for a high performing team.
Managing Conflict (Questions 2, 9, 13)
Conflict can be an inevitable consequence of working with other people. Opinions, values, styles, and a whole host of other differences provide more than enough grounds for disagreement. This disagreement is actually part of the reason why teams can be so effective – the more perspectives that go into a process, the better the end result… usually! Allowing the differences to get out of hand, though, causes unnecessary disruption and leads to breakdowns in working relationships. Team members and leaders should take it upon themselves to understand the basics of conflict management and also learn more about different styles and ways of thinking and working.
Group Roles and Structure (Questions 4, 9, 12, 15)
The differences between how people work and view the world make for interesting conversations and dynamic teams. An effective team capitalizes on these natural differences and maximizes performance by putting the right people in the right roles.
Team Member Development (Questions 5, 13)
No matter what role a person plays in a team, or what tasks he or she has been assigned to, there is always room for personal improvement. When the individuals on a team are functioning at high capacity, the team can flourish as well. This is a critical understanding in team performance. Although there is no “I” in “Team” you have to remember there is no team without individuals. You have to build and foster the skills in the individuals that are congruent with the needs of the team.
Understanding and Collaboration (Questions 9, 11)
The last area of team functioning explored by this quiz covers how well you and your team are able to collaborate and understand the key issues facing the team. Again, this goes back to the idea of cohesion. Members of successful team all head in the same direction, and work for the same purpose. When priorities and goals diverge, tensions appear within the team, and the whole is often no longer greater than the sum of its parts. This is a fundamental issue for high performing teams. Consensus, consistency and agreement are vital for effective teamwork.
Key points:
Guys, an effective team is much more than a bunch of people thrown together to accomplish a goal. Because teams are such an inherent part of how we work, it is easy to believe we know what makes a team perform well, however this is often not the case. Using this test, you can uncover areas of improvement that will help you become a better overall team member and team builder.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Where is your CUSTOMER SERVICE SENSE???
Yesterday my company sent me to LowYat Plaza to buy 2 pieces of MP4 for our up coming Symposium in KL and Penang. I went to a shop and bargained the Philip brand. Stylish 2GB in black color. The guy gave me a final qoute of RM399 a piece. Not too pleased with myself, I decided to walk around a little further. Went to another shop selling similar brand. Asked the shop assistant and he quoted me RM420. I told him that the other shop just offered me RM399 and guess what...
This is what he said in cantonese; "Sorry I can't help you". At the same time, he took away the unit from my hand without asking and put it back in the cabinet.
DAMN IT! WHERE IS YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE ORIENTATION?????
Supposed you could have been more polite and professional (even if you are pissed off with some terrible customers) by saying something like; I'm sorry but this is the best price my company had to offer" or even pretend to ask your boss for further discount over the phone!
This kind of attitude towards customer will never succeed in the long run. It is also damaging to the company he is representing.
A generous advice to him; bro, don't put shame on yourself. Don't act stupid!
This is what he said in cantonese; "Sorry I can't help you". At the same time, he took away the unit from my hand without asking and put it back in the cabinet.
DAMN IT! WHERE IS YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE ORIENTATION?????
Supposed you could have been more polite and professional (even if you are pissed off with some terrible customers) by saying something like; I'm sorry but this is the best price my company had to offer" or even pretend to ask your boss for further discount over the phone!
This kind of attitude towards customer will never succeed in the long run. It is also damaging to the company he is representing.
A generous advice to him; bro, don't put shame on yourself. Don't act stupid!
Sunday, December 2, 2007
I hate Smelly Men!!!
Every morning I would go to the gym for a great workout followed by a nice shower before heading to the office for duty. Before I even step out of my house, I would make sure I take a shower first.
Lately, I found out that some people, guys to be exact, do not shower when they go to the morning gym. They looked as if they just got up from their bed and straight go to the gym. When they passed by...even about 5 feets away, their pungent smell almost killed the entire mood and atmosphere in the gym.
Why are you guys not shower first??? Conserve water? I don't think so. Pleaeeeeeeeeeeeeeese shower guys. You are turning other gym mate's mood off ! Don't you realise that when you come over, the rest of us would split out??? Don't let the gals prove to us that we are indeed the Smelly Man (Chou Nan Ren)!!! Help us to help yourself.......
Lately, I found out that some people, guys to be exact, do not shower when they go to the morning gym. They looked as if they just got up from their bed and straight go to the gym. When they passed by...even about 5 feets away, their pungent smell almost killed the entire mood and atmosphere in the gym.
Why are you guys not shower first??? Conserve water? I don't think so. Pleaeeeeeeeeeeeeeese shower guys. You are turning other gym mate's mood off ! Don't you realise that when you come over, the rest of us would split out??? Don't let the gals prove to us that we are indeed the Smelly Man (Chou Nan Ren)!!! Help us to help yourself.......
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